What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 03:02
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Who then, do I blame.?
But it wasn’t much.
While emptying a house, have you ever seen something in it that blew your mind?
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why are Korean female leads so angry all the time?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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We were not on the streets..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
How do great movie moments influence how people handle real-life moral dilemmas?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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I waited trembling.
So, i spoilt her more .
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was very sick at this time too.
It was going to be , some day.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He knew the spot.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was in good health!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My family never makes their pension either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My life is so biszare .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
What did i know ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I will be 64.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was seconnd youngest,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Was to survive, this bastard.